Withdrawal

It's midway through my fourth day without it. I am listless, tired, and feel a crankiness I do not show. I'm sluggish and, though my clothes seem to fit fine, I have gained 97 pounds.

On the second day without it, Friday, I registered for the Las Vegas marathon. Sunday, I walk into a running store. My feelings of tiredness and sluggishness instantly lift. As I try on flip flops, examine shoes, water belts and the prices of gu, i can't help thinking: i'm a fraud. Why am I here when I haven't done it since Wednesday and it's now Sunday. The clerks don't bother with me. I buy "I Run, Therefore I am -- NUTS!"

I've had company this gloriously beautiful holiday weekend. My two girls I didn't realize how much I had missed till I saw them again. We laughed, caught up, had serious, thoughtful conversations, went dancing, drank too much. But with preparing for them, and then different activities, I have not run going on 4 days.

I practice self-deception, I tell myself that Saturday's rafting trip (because that was so f'in fantastic a post on that follows) which involved at times heavy paddling was a cross training session. It wasn't.

Saturday night, after bbqing with a neighbor, we head out to the club. My girl C orders a margarita. I watch the bartender make it: 3 parts tequila, 2 parts Gran Marnier, one splash of lime. Now THAT'S a margarita. I quickly order one. Later, another round. Even later, safe at home, C loses margarita. She is the lucky one. Sunday, she wakes up refreshed. I don't. I was supposed to wake up early so I could do run before they woke up. I wake up at 11 a.m.

We visit nearby local town, a quaint row of shops and historical buildings. They need to go to pick up a few items at store. I sense opportunity. Drop me off at home, I tell them, so I can run and i'll give you directions to store. They agree.

I come home, put my running clothes on. Instantly, I'm prettier in old running garbs. I stretch. Off i run. First 2 blocks my right thigh hurts, my left knee hurts. The air is dry and difficult to suck in. Then, as always, a rythm sets in. I run, my breathes becomes regular and my body adjusts. I return a new person. I am energetic, I feel good. I have lost 97 pounds.

I make a quickstyle dinner. We head to local amusement park. I walk in, hand in hand with my boy, my two girls in front and a tasty afternoon sunshine hits my face. LIfe is good.