Winter Runs

So this Southern California native found herself Sunday traipsing through several inches of thick, icy snow yesterday afternoon.

The house was clean, the brownies made, the coffee drank (I'm nesting), no good football was on (till 4 anyway. What's up, SD, what what!). Off I went.

Off I went to the parkway, my favorite place to run. Snow and ice fell from the trees, dripping on me as it melted. It felt like I was running in sand that's how grueling it was.

I saw only one other runner and two families sledding. Man I want to try sledding. I loved the solitude and the peace. And feeling like I could barely catch my breath but when I walked I sunk in even further. What a magical run.

For me this weeekend was about getting back to the basics. Me and the MAN used to spend entire weekends in bed. Lamers. I made homemade bread, brownies, went to the library, ran, read, spent time with my friends.

Friday night was the Bedazzler Christmas (the bedazzlers are what my group of friends call ourselves..I didn't name us). We had the bestest time ever. But why did I sit on my girlfriend Gen's lap?

From my family to yours: Merry Christmas! P.S. I am in black with the big goofy grin.

Can it be? Is it possible?

After pledging to become a new type of woman -- less partying, better training and, most importantly, getting rid of bad man -- I am amazed to read my blog for the first time in months and see, rather depressedly, how little progress I made this year. (see Jan. 31. My relapse lasted 11 months)

The bad: I did two races this year, a 10K and a half-marathon. I did not complete a single triathlon.
I partied like a maniac. Am I 31, you may ask, or 21?
The Worst: The bad man is still in my life. Unless you count breaking up two days ago not in my life.

But the year wasn't a complete wash.

I got promoted at work.
I coached Girls on the Run, this fantastic organization that teaches self confidence and running to little girls.
I had much fun and made some fantastic friendships.
I became an auntie.

I'm writing today so I can chronicle my journey into 2008, a year that might, just might, finally bring me the closure I need with the worst relationship I've ever been in. And along the way, take me back to the land of marathons and tris and healthy habits.

Super Bowl Fun Run

Today was my first run since Dec. 05, Vegas marathon. The second I arrived to the parkway for the 10K I realized how much I missed the racing atmosphere. Glad to be back...

Pre-race
A 10:30 a.m. start means I get to sleep in. I wake at 9, make coffee. I decide to eat the honey nutrition bar provided me in race packet cause I forgot to pick up bananas, my usual race breakfast.

Ew, ew, ew.

The first bites are edible, then I start to just ram it down so I can get it over with. This has a hamster-like effect for me. It's so dry and sawdust-like it's sitting in my mouth in a large lump, not going anywhere.

I brace myself, swallow, gag. Manage to keep it down by chugging nearby coffee.

I arrive and see right away the course is icy and slippery. I have to park like 4 miles away. I'm shivering so bad and I'm so cold. I look around in terror. Surely, someone else is as disturbed by these hypothermia-creating conditions as I. Everyone appears cool and collected. Announcer tells us to take it easy on course, that running in tough conditions only makes us stronger. I am not inspired.

The Race
It's the toughest conditions I've ever raced in. It's freezing but worse is how icy the course is. The race only has around 500 participants but the course is narrow.

But I find my pace rather quickly. I figure I'm doing somewhere between 830 and 9.

There's not much else to report. The course is hilly but managable. By the time we hit mile 5 I can't believe the race is almost over.

Then just like that, there's the finish line.

Post-Race
I eat a piece of pizza, and find myself next to a tall guy in red. We were almost side-by-side the first two miles, then he took off but he never left my eyesight. I congratulate his race and thank him for pacing me. He is shy. He says thanks, good run to you too.

Time (no chip): 52:40ish. Not bad.

I'm sorry this report is so boring. But it's like it was over before it began! Weird.

I can't wait for the next one.

Hip Hop in the house? I mean, gym?

Darn. Missed my weekend runs that would have taken me to my weekly goal of 15 miles. Of course I can explain. First, I crashed into a median Friday night and got a flat tire. So I didn't have a car all weekend. Then, like a drug addict who just cant get enough, I relapsed hard with The Man. We spent practically alll weekend together. Bad. Bad. Bad.

HOWEVER!

I saw my co-fitness instructor-in-training Martina's week-old baby. He's preciously perfect in every way. I'm in love. I'm not even upset that six days after giving birth she already weighed less than me.

Last night I was in kickboxing class. Martina and I decided this would probably be the class we taught, but it's too bad I like it less than spinning, body sculpt, yoga and practically everything else. What I really want to teach is...HIP HOP!

My gym -- whose clientele is probably 90% to 95% white -- doesn't offer hip hop. That could be a good thing. See, maybe that means I dont have to be really, really technical (not saying white people can't dance, exactly...). Maybe I can dance good enough to start up a class. I'm possibly checking out a class in Philly on Sunday and another local class in a couple of weeks. I'll get more of a feel if I can handle it.

I was fantasizing about this last night during kickboxing and I continued to fantasize about it at home. So I started cleaning my room and listening to a new hip hop CD I'm reviewing. Then I began to dance...

In front of the mirror, hips shaking and hair swinging, I made up routines for my own private music video. I puffed out my butt so it'd look bigger than it was and I shook that too.

I believe JLo said it best in the opening credits to her new reality show: The life of a dancer is not always an easy life but if you love what you're doing, it's worth it.

Life. Nothing else.

Yesterday I called my mom to let her know it was my ex's birthday. She likes him more than me, so I figured she'd want to know.

She called him, and he proceeded to tell her how I'd forgotten his birthday and he had to call me to let me know. My mom tells him not to worry, that I'd forgotten her birthday once too. It's like, Mom, I was a senior in college! How does that count???

So while I'm on the phone with my mom she tells me it's like a heatwave in San Diego, she had to open aallll the windows cause she was burning up. I say "Mom, no it's not. I went online. It's 73." She tells me that can't be right, she thinks it's closer to 100.

I write this just minutes after I could barely take in any air this morning because it was so cold my throat began to constrict.

I've decided to up my mileage to 15 miles per week. So far this week I've done 8.5 which leaves a couple short runs this weekend to hit my target. Kim and I think Martina are gonna do the 5K the day of the half marathon so it should be a fun, festive affair.

Also expecting to be fun is meeting Curly Su ! I can't wait. She and I are both dealing with dumb men issues. Mostly like why can't we get rid of WRONG men who clearly don't appreciate our greatness and treat us right?

I'm gonna meet her sometime in February, in Philly. I love blogging for reasons like this. Sure I may be older and it's harder to meet people but through the Internet, the possibilities are endless

Today I say a Prayer

Not long after I started distance running a couple of years ago, I began to pray before most of my runs. It was a way to deal with the: “Damn! I have to do a 10-miler today and I’d MUCH rather lie here and watch reality TV.”

I used to haaaate running. In high school, Monday was our one-mile day and I’d do whatever I could to get out of it.

I grew to like it but there are still plenty of days when I can think of many other things I’d like to do rather than that week’s looong run.

So I’d pray. I’d thank God for giving me my health and my body and the ability to run. I’d thank him for letting me be outside enjoying what he created.

Today, one of my dearest friends e-emailed me. His sister, who is 22, was in a bad car accident this weekend. Her spine was broken and she’s now paralyzed from the waist down.

I have no doubt this girl – who I have never met but I know he is close with – will still live life to the fullest. She’s an artist and I know she’ll still take all the good out of life she can.

But it reminds me of my prayers. Should something happen to me, I’ve thought from time to time, I know I’ll make the best of it. Life would be different but not over.

But it would be devastating. I have no illusions about that.

My prayers have become more infrequent before runs, busy thinking about this nonsense and that.

Tomorrow I’m going snowboarding before work. And while I am praying for my friend’s sis, I’ll also give a prayer of thanks. And I'll try to remember to always do so

Signing Up is the First Step

I’m procrastinating but also excited to share that yesterday I registered for the Lehigh Valley half marathon!

After running the race in 2005, I was shut out last year because I registered too late. So BMI boy and I decided to do a half the same day in New Jersey. A day before the race I canceled, following a series of oh, mishaps and mistakes, and instead urban sunbathed on my apartment roof with Kim sipping margaritas and wondering if I would ever get my shit together. Oh, how time flies.

Anyway. The race start is approx. 5 blocks from my house at at $40, you can’t get much cheaper. Kim’s doing the 5K (Welcome back, Kimberly!).

When: April 29.
Start: 8 a.m.
Estimated finish time: TBD

Oh and I also met with the local director of Girls on the Run. It’s an even better program than I thought. Through physical activities girl are taught self-esteem and confidence, and ethics and life skills. And at the end is a 5K. I’m probably gonna be stuck on the fundraising and promotions side because of my work schedule, but it’s better than nothing.

I am walking around with a lightness I haven't felt in months. I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes....

Last weekend I headed to the Bronx to visit a guy I had met in November. He showered me with attention, and even booked a limo for our Saturday night outing at this new club. I am starting to get used to this single life...

Welcome, NYR'ers!!

It's that time of the year again. Funny, I blogged about this very phenomena last January proving once again, as much as things change, they stay very much the same...

Welcome to my gym, NYRs!!!!!!!!! First let me applaud you for making the decision to make 2007 the year you chose to join a gym. As you reap the benefits of feeling emotionally, physically and mentally better, I too am reaping benefits.

The first benefit is my gym parking lot, which during rush hour resembles a Wal-Mart on Black Friday. Last night I only had to circle for 13 minutes to find a spot, and was only cut off by two people as I attempted to park.

Another benefit is a cozier environment for my group classes. No longer do I have a little space on my left or right during my body scuplt class but really, who needs it? Americans are known for needing much more space than other cultures. Well, not this girl. Come closer, you, I can't quite feel your sweaty body against mine.

Walking in a straight line in overrated. Thanks to my new gym-mates I get to weave around folks busy admiring themselves, others or busy on their phone. Makes for a more interesting walk so bing! - another plus.

Who needs stretching? I'd rather use the stretching mats as a place to socialize and gather to catch up on gossip. Why didn't I ever think of that use before?

So welcome, beloved New Years Resolutioners! Let's enjoy our few weeks together, shall we?

How to save $160 a month and still train with the pros

So far, so good, in training land 2007...

First, my old training partner Kim has returned, and Sunday we set out for a 1-mile trot. If I had a bad year, Kimmie's was equally full of emotional turmoil. I think we reacted off each other, and I was hardly the type of girl with whom you wanted anything in common. This year she will feed off my productivity and good vibes.

Second, and this is pretty cool, I've got my own personal fitness instructor! He's trained by the pros. He shows me form and new core exercises. He trains with a vengeance. And the best part is -- he pays for the training and I get the free leftovers!

He just started training, which means I havent learned a whole lot. Yet. Just some terrible, terrible crunches on this terrible, terrible machine where it's hard for me to even get my legs up over the bar. But a part of me secretly loves it. And I've never loved abs work before. And the learning has just begun.

Last night my buddy told me my belly has taken me years to get, so it's gonna take me years to work it down. I told him I dont have that long. Three months, I've got three months to tone down the belly to be ready for spring, when fitness instructor classes start. Plenty of time.

I cooked five meals worth of healthy goodness this morning before work. I haven't done that in ages! Since, since...before The Man entered my life.

Oh dont worry, I promise not to corrupt every post by mentioning him. My point is daily, in small ways, life is returning to normal. Even if the nights sometimes still drag painfully on...

Finally, a special THANK YOU to all the Ely haters in the bar Sunday cheering the Eagles onto victory over Daddy's boy.

The Year That Wasn't

It's Saturday, and that means reflection day. Actually, Fridays are usually reflection days but I'm in the office alone so today it is.

I'm writing this post and by writing it I'm not allowed to dwell on it anymore. Because I have this terrible habit of dwelling on the past and driving myself crazy doing it.

I just read Mouse's post of the year that just was. Her mother died, which was terrible and sad. Still, she had an amazing year as she dealt with the grief. Grew personally and professionally and emotionally.

I got to thinking about my 2006. My family and friends remained safe and healthy, as did I.

But beyond that, it was for me a dismal year.

...Professionally it was the worst year of my life. I can't think of a single story I wrote that I am eager to show off.

...I did approximately one whole race, a sprint tri with average times.

...Many, many Saturday and Sunday mornings I spent upset and crying over my relationship with a man, and too many of those days I plied myself with alcohol to dull the pain.

...Many, many Saturday and Sunday mornings when I was not upset, I was lying in his bed, and we spent countless wasted hours in bed watching TV.

...I exchanged thousands of emails with my sister and my friend, nearly every day trying to make sense of a senseless, meaningless relationship.

My year is a....blur. The months all swirl together in a haze and I'm having trouble remembering anything memorable.

It's as if the year happened, but I didn't live it.


Now, here's where I come in. To take back my life.

Im changing job assignments next month. Somehow I've managed to get a more high-profile position at my paper, and I'm going to take full advantage of it. No more leaving work feeling some days as though I've cheated the company.

I've got a lunch date in two weeks with the leader of an organization called Girls on the Run. It's a group that trains at risk girls to do a 5k, along the way teaching them skills like confidence, self-worth. If that doesnt work out, I'm still finding some group to volunteer this year. I have way too much free time to not be giving back to my community.

I'm going to try and become a fitness instructor and learn to knit. I'm waiting for my friend Martina to have her baby in a week or so and then in a couple of months we'll start the fitness thing together. She's always wanted to teach too. And Kim and I are going to a knitting class in a couple of weeks. My moms started to teach me over Christmas but it's goshdarn hard. My goal is to by her birthday send her a scarf.

I'm going to reign in my spending and dramatically reduce my evenings out. I'm bored anyway, the same places, the same faces....And now they just bring back bad memories. Instead, I'll spend quality time with my girlfriends

That's a good start.

Ive been back in blogland for just a few days now but I immediately remember why I love it so much. So many people are so damn inspiring and doing such fantastic things, whether it's completing or training for a big race, or being a mom and wife, or getting a job promotion...why, I cant just be a gal on the sidelines. I've got to do something good too.

But that's the beauty of January. Even the most hardened of hearts can find hope in this month, when the year beckons, and we are given a fresh start, and life's offerings seem there for the taking.

Life's too short to waste on another blurry year.

New looks, old places

Hmm, this isn't right. Leahc suggested moving over to the new blogger cause it's easier. So I did, then in the span of approx. 3 minutes managed to completely discombobulate my blog. Now look at this mess. But I've called for reinforcements (that's you, Scott). I'll get this thing down someday.

Received a yoga mat for Christmas from a friend. Tried it out Thursday. Yoga's great. I didn't leaving feeling all zen-y but I worked muscles (including lots of abs) I dont normally. Great, core training rules.

I went out last night to the usual spots. Talk about feeling the time has come and gone for those places. Plus all they do is remind me of the man and I nearly burst out crying in the middle of the dance floor. Geez. This heartache thing sucks.

In better news, tonight my friend's having a playoff party and tomorrow I'm meeting people to watch Eli take a mean beating, further revealing what an overrated has been he is. Thank heavens for the playoffs. Thanks heavens for football.

It's like 70 degrees in northeastern PA today. Life can't be all that bad.

To a Fresh Start

I took basically the last five months of 2006 off, finally admitting there would be no races, no heavy training. In the haze of the mess the rest of my life had become, it seemed silly for me to continue the facade of being a "blogger."

But I'd like to blog again. I've missed my cyber-friends, have seen loads of new potential mates since I stopped posting, and I've missed training. I feel energized and ready to go.

To quickly update on my practically last post:
Weight: I haven't gained any. (* *)
Finances: Still a wreck. But I've paid off one of two credit cards. Too bad it was the smaller debt one. (-)
New shoes: None yet. Nuts. (-)
More Core Workouts: Check. (*)
Community Service: Not yet. Emphasis on yet (-)
Novel: Not just yet (-)
Tree Climbing: Nah. But I was just kidding on that.
Elmo: Mom and the kid were over it by Christmas.

Love life: The asshole's gone! (* * * * * * *)

Final score: I win. Cause the man's gone. I am trying not to dwell in the fact he was in my life as long as he was, having seen rather strong signs he should have been out, oh, say, October 2005.

I've updated my race schedule (see right).

Now, I call on the lovely bloggers of the RBF family....
With a new year upon us, I feel a new look for this web site is a necessity. The problem being of course, I know how to do nothing except post and make changes to side bar.

Anyone interested in redesigning this?

Please, don't all come at once. I know the idea of designing someone else's running blog sounds fabulously interesting but if there is any interest, I promise to be easy accepter of all ideas.

I'm simply too embarassed to ask Susan for a second re-design (she did this one. Isnt it fabulous?). I doubt she'd want to, right, Susan...?

So there I go again, as usual it's all about me, me, me.

Happy New Year!!!!!!

I know 2007 will be a fantastic year, I feel it all over.
To quote the fabulous movie "Love, Actually," and the song in that flick, "I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes..."