The Year That Wasn't

It's Saturday, and that means reflection day. Actually, Fridays are usually reflection days but I'm in the office alone so today it is.

I'm writing this post and by writing it I'm not allowed to dwell on it anymore. Because I have this terrible habit of dwelling on the past and driving myself crazy doing it.

I just read Mouse's post of the year that just was. Her mother died, which was terrible and sad. Still, she had an amazing year as she dealt with the grief. Grew personally and professionally and emotionally.

I got to thinking about my 2006. My family and friends remained safe and healthy, as did I.

But beyond that, it was for me a dismal year.

...Professionally it was the worst year of my life. I can't think of a single story I wrote that I am eager to show off.

...I did approximately one whole race, a sprint tri with average times.

...Many, many Saturday and Sunday mornings I spent upset and crying over my relationship with a man, and too many of those days I plied myself with alcohol to dull the pain.

...Many, many Saturday and Sunday mornings when I was not upset, I was lying in his bed, and we spent countless wasted hours in bed watching TV.

...I exchanged thousands of emails with my sister and my friend, nearly every day trying to make sense of a senseless, meaningless relationship.

My year is a....blur. The months all swirl together in a haze and I'm having trouble remembering anything memorable.

It's as if the year happened, but I didn't live it.


Now, here's where I come in. To take back my life.

Im changing job assignments next month. Somehow I've managed to get a more high-profile position at my paper, and I'm going to take full advantage of it. No more leaving work feeling some days as though I've cheated the company.

I've got a lunch date in two weeks with the leader of an organization called Girls on the Run. It's a group that trains at risk girls to do a 5k, along the way teaching them skills like confidence, self-worth. If that doesnt work out, I'm still finding some group to volunteer this year. I have way too much free time to not be giving back to my community.

I'm going to try and become a fitness instructor and learn to knit. I'm waiting for my friend Martina to have her baby in a week or so and then in a couple of months we'll start the fitness thing together. She's always wanted to teach too. And Kim and I are going to a knitting class in a couple of weeks. My moms started to teach me over Christmas but it's goshdarn hard. My goal is to by her birthday send her a scarf.

I'm going to reign in my spending and dramatically reduce my evenings out. I'm bored anyway, the same places, the same faces....And now they just bring back bad memories. Instead, I'll spend quality time with my girlfriends

That's a good start.

Ive been back in blogland for just a few days now but I immediately remember why I love it so much. So many people are so damn inspiring and doing such fantastic things, whether it's completing or training for a big race, or being a mom and wife, or getting a job promotion...why, I cant just be a gal on the sidelines. I've got to do something good too.

But that's the beauty of January. Even the most hardened of hearts can find hope in this month, when the year beckons, and we are given a fresh start, and life's offerings seem there for the taking.

Life's too short to waste on another blurry year.