What follows is a race report from the Sept. 18 Patriots Triathlon in beautiful Bath, Pa. I try to keep this blog clean, since RBF (running blog family) seems family friendly and all. If foul language offends you, I’d skip the bike section. With that in mind:
LM, Kim, my boy and I arrive to our race destination early Sunday. Brrr. Chilly. I hop around with excitement. LM tries to wake up. Kim recounts her Saturday. The race is highly disorganized, and more than 2/3 of the field (including us) are race day registerers. Race will start late, it is announced. People whine. We don’t really care. The sun has popped up. I continue hopping with excitement. The announcement comes: mandatory meeting before race. Then, first wave. I’m in the third wave, LM in the fourth.
Chapter 1 (.4 mile swim): I’ll title this one: “The Icky-less Lake”
Kim had earlier agreed to do tri, then backed out, the prospect of swimming in the ‘icky’ lake a bit much for her. But there was a relay option, and LM agreed to do swim. I stand with the pink hats, readying for the countdown. Bam! Off we go. The water is nice and warm. The lake is tiny but the field is small. It’s clean feeling. I’m winded by the time I reach the first buey. Hmm, better slow down, ain’t…gonna (cough, sputter on inhaled water)…Ok I’ve calmed down, found a rhythm.
The lake is a popular fishing spot so I try to look for little fishies as I swim. Toward the end I get temporarily frustrated that I’ve gotten caught behind a breast stroker who could take out one of my eyes with the right kick/my face connection but decide any effort to pass her would be fruitless, perhaps save me 3 seconds on the clock. Not worth it. Swim over, I run to the bike.
LM, who had gone in the wave behind me, is steps behind me. She’s CRUSHED the swim. LM, you: a. rock and b. are my hero.
Chapter 2 (15 mile bike): I call this one, affectionately: “The Fucking, Bitchass Son of a motherless goat Bike ride”
Biking is my weakest of the three tri events. I’m a slow swimmer but this is more a product of natural ability than background and training. I played water polo and swam in college; at my peak I was still the slowest or second slowest on the team. Sucking at biking is more a function of a lack of experience. And it would help to own a bike. Have I mentioned I’m undertrained too?
The tri web site says “The bike is on gently rolling hills with a few technical turns.” Now, I’m not from Pennsylvania. So I can’t say who decided to write this or what went through their minds to say this when the COURSE IS ALL FUCKING ALL UPHILL. OK, fine, the first ½ mile is downhill. The rest is an endless route of HILLS, HILLS AND MORE FUCKING HILLS. The web site is a LIAR. I don’t know what mile I’m on that I realize this. I don’t know cause there are NO MILE MARKERS ANYWHERE IN SIGHT. All I know is that I’ve been huffing and puffing, barely able to catch my breath for what seems like an eternity. The hills don’t stop.
I ask a man who’s directing traffic ‘how much longer?” All I can make out is “just over….hills.” I continue on. I have a frantic thought that maybe it’ll be OK if I just don’t go on. I haven’t seen anyone in ages. It’s just me and THE GAWDDAMN HILLS. When the hill is less hilly than the other hills that are more hilly, I take the opportunity to admire the bike course. It’s gorgeous, a country road with scenic views of green, green trees, barns, country homes and streams and farms. I see three ostriches.
Chapter 3 (3.1 mile run) This one’s easy to name: “Hello, Loverboy!” (said like carrie bradshaw from ‘sex and the city’ admiring a pair of shoes)
Dear, sweet running. Darling, sweet running. Was it I that just a few days ago that I practically put you down, so excited was I in my bike bliss? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Forgive me sweet running. No matter what comes between us, you will always be my first love, no matter how good I get on the bike, no matter how fast I never become in swimming.
Ok, the first ½ mile is rough. My legs are a goner from the BITCH ASS 95% UPHILL BIKE RIDE. They are cement blocks. Don’t think I can do my hopeful 25 minute 5k. Then, the kinks are gone. I have my stride back. I feel good, life is as it should be, for that moment. It’s me hitting the pavement. I’m finally passing people, after having not passed I don’t think a single soul in bike. Running feels so right. The stress of the bike ride is melting away.
I finish.
My time is a less than stellar 1:48. Don’t have splits yet. I’m going to blog later with my and Kim/LM times as well as get a little feedback from Kim and LM from their first tri experience. LM is an experienced and accomplished runner but she’s never done tri. She said she kinda got the urge to do an entire one. I hope she will. I hope she trains with me for next year’s planned half ironman. I’m gonna need someone.
For Kim, this was her first race EVER. She’s in her early 30s and only started running a couple of months ago. She’s heroic. Poor thing, having such a BITCH ASS HARD BIKE RIDE for her first race (I’m sure she’ll have a thing or two to say about this) but nonetheless, she rocks. ROCKS!
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5 comments:
"Gently rolling hills" must mean "As I gently rolled along in my car with a latte...
I've ridden over 100 miles on a bike in one day exactly one time. There were a lot of hills. After the official end of that day's leg of the tour, we had to go about a half mile up a gravel road to the campground. I made it about halfway up the ‘gentle hill’ on my super skinny road racing tires before deciding I was too tired to deal with a flat and got off and started walking. No sooner had I done that than a race volunteer drove by in her SUV with her hair all perfect and a physique that said ‘Doesn't workout, ever’ and she said to me "Nice Effort!" in what sounded to me like overt condescension. Wanna hear some non-family friendly terms? I had some to give out that day.
Great job on the tri. I give you much respect for doing it. Swimming, biking, and running I’ve done, but never all together – what a challenge.
Wow, a tri! Fantastic! I am humbled and in awe of you and the water/ground you swim/bike/run on.
woohoo! WooHoo!
did i say WOOHOO?
congrats on the completed tri, even if the bike leg was tough.
thank you guys for your warm thoughts.
scott, that is precisely what they thought. "oh, but my car barely feels this hill" is what the organizers thought as they wrote their "description" on the web site.
'tough' mostly describes bike. i will say though, training for sprint tri is like 1/10th what it is training for marathon...i give much more props to marathoners.
thanks for comments! p.s. brit along with maternity thongs there are running thongs! i see them and i'm like, but...why? not the maternity ones (i dont know much about that yet) but running in a thong?
Haha! That was one of the better race reports that I've read. Straight from the heart! I mean really, how did you feel about that bike course? ;)
I totally understand how you feel, though. I don't know how some of these race directors do it, but they manage to find bike and run loops that are entirely uphill but start and end in the same place. It's like some kind of weird Escher-like design. :P
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