Wednesday, January 18, 2006

not quite filet mignon

When you’re a bachelor, meals become creative. In the years me and my boy were together, we were often long distance. I always tended to eat better when we were apart. He’s a chef and he favored oil, butter, fat. A meal wasn’t a meal without meat (but he never did win the battle to get a deep fryer!).

Now, alone, eating is simpler. Why, in 3 minutes, I’ve got a meal. Last night it was reheated baked beans, a veggie patty and two tortillas, all smothered in hot sauce. High in protein, low in fat. If my mom could see me now.

At the gym yesterday, I found a strange machine. Think Tab, Tears for Fears, fruit roll ups. It’s called the step machine.

In my many travels through running blogland, I don’t run across many references to the stepper. In its heyday, the step machine was the preferred machine during the frenzied gym mania of the late 1980s, when headbands reigned supreme. I haven’t used one in years. I’m not even sure that I’m using it right. I got on it for a couple of reasons:
1. variety
2. to get a bigger butt

Will it work? If not, what is the best workouts for a bigger, plumper butt and thicker thighs? If I’m unable to find one, not to fear. Im gonna buy one of those padded butt things to wear under my pants. It might sound lame but really, it’s kind of like a padded bra.

10 comments:

Danny said...

And here I thought I could get a bigger butt just by eating more...

Dr. Iron TriFeist :) said...

LOL!!! I wish I could send you some of my butt. Best of luck on the stepper.

Josh Dysart said...

You and I must have attended the same cooking classes! And I recommend the stairmaster. you can do all sorts of things on it, like sprints :)

Deene said...

lol! hey, when you find out how to make it bigger let me know, i could use some padding as well.

Chris said...

What they all said? I thought typically girls wanted to go the other way and get a smaller sized butt? Or are you going for the J. Lo look??

Unknown said...

heh...there was a guy that won on fear factor that got surgical butt implants. i'll pass, thanks!

i see people on the steppers all the time, and i used to use those and the versa climbers when i was climbing and mountaineering. those versa climbers will kick your butt!

Legs and Wings said...

Play some hockey. We call that full bottom a 'hockey butt' here in Canada. Skate, skate and skate some more! Best way to a big muscle butt!

Rae said...

I'll share some booty with you too!! I use the step machine from time to time, it really gives a great workout! If you buy some fake booty you MUST post a pic!

Scott in Washington said...

A woman at my office read your post and she said that you can get panties with extra butt in them. That's just silly.

Do you suffer from lawyer's girlfriend's butt? Thats a Weird Al reference..

Actually, I'm pretty satisfied with mine. It anchors my legs to my torso pretty effectively and I can sit on it when I want to. Thats about all I require from it.

Is the stair climber you are talking about like an escalator but steeper and with only 3-4 steps? I love those things. I wish we had one at our gym.

:) said...

Lot's of booty-sharin' going on in here!!!! 8)