Betrayal

I have a person in my life who betrayed me. It was a hurt I hadn't felt since the first time I fell in love, a decade ago. And yet, I let him back into my life. Not just once. Once could be forgiven. Not even twice. Twice could be understandable. But last week, for the third time, I let him back in.

And today, on a quiet, sad Friday, my pain is all fresh, my wounds are raw open. Any progress I've made during our break has completely disappeared. Ive got to write it down this time so that everytime I even think to let him back in, I re-read this and try to remember how I feel. How I am sitting at my desk with an intense pain, a stabbing in my heart...utter, utter confusion. And a dislike of myself so strong it's nearly overwhelming.

I have been always blessed with good friends. I have nearly always dated guys who treat me good. I don't like bad boys. I don't like bad friends. I like people who treat me nicely, who are loyal, who care about me. In return, I do the same. He is none of the things I look for in a friend. He hurt me, and still, still doesn't realize, how badly.

I am reminded of a fable. I told my sister this fable the day I was first hurt. The same day. I'm a smart girl. I knew to cut him out of my life. That it was over, over, over. But what did I do.

A girl is walking in the woods. She comes across a rattlesnake. The snake is barely moving.
"Please," says the snake. "I'm so cold. Please wrap me in your coat, just for a bit."
"But snake," says the little girl. "You are a poisonous snake. You will bite me."
The snake assured the girl he would not. "I'm so sick. Please, I need to warm up just for a moment."
The snake continued to push, to beg, to plead. The girl begins to relent. She feels bad for this snake.
She picks him up. He bites her. She cries out.
"But snake, you promised, you promised you wouldn't bite me."
And as he slithers away, he says "You knew what I was when you picked me up."